When everything feels like it’s falling apart: the two handles of life
- ratu nida
- Feb 22
- 4 min read
Updated: Mar 6
On Entropy, and Stoic Wisdom for Hard Times
It’s only March, and I don’t know about you, but how the hell am I already this exhausted?
As if I’ve run a long marathon in the desert; not even sure there’s an oasis nearby, not sure if the wind ahead is relief…or a sandstorm coming.
I think I’m in what physicists call entropy: a phase transition. When temperature and pressure exceed what a structure can withstand, matter changes state. Solid liquefies. Liquid vaporises.
Everything looks like it’s falling apart.
But the chaos that looks like destruction is often the beginning of transformation. Just like the Big Bang; the world would not exist without those discomposing transitions.
Neither would we.
The Entropy Phase
These past weeks have tested me:
The book launch moved: changing publishers led to another wave of new directions.
Shipment delays for Women’s Lantern, alongside a strategic pivot after realising our runway is tighter than expected.
Rejections from funders.
A possum decided to build a nest on my balcony; which meant calling a remover, and another unexpected burn in cash.
My water heater system burst, flooded my tiny studio, and turned it into a mini-pond. I had weeks of waiting for tradies & insurance—and, of course, cleaning again.
There are nights I walk under the stars asking “how long can I sustain this?”
There are mornings I wake up not knowing if I have the strength to face another surprise.
That’s one handle. The other?
Because of the possum’s cheekiness, I cleaned my balcony & turned it into a nourishing nook to read & work.
Because of the flooding, they’ll replace the entire floor; it'll be tidier than it’s been in ages!
Women’s Lantern is growing supporter base and now holding 900+ allies
Our 1st solar-lantern production has diverted ~38kg of waste, generate ~3,430 kWh of clean energy & avoided ~2.8 tonnes of CO₂ annually
Most importantly: 👩🏽 4 women 👩🏽🌾 2 farmers 🛠 3 artisans and 4 young people have already been empowered
I wrote & finalised 45,000 words for my first book, got it proofread, and it’s ready for print
I keep my sunrise walks, even on gloomy mornings.
I am building my chosen family: people who check in, who stay, who reciprocate.
Same life. Different handle.
“The truth is, we know so little about life, we don’t really know what the good news is and what the bad news is,” - K.Vonnegut
Every Situation Has Two Handles (A Stoic Lesson from Epictetus)
Epictetus wrote that every event has two handles: one by which it can be carried, and one by which it cannot.
Rejection can be humiliation—or redirection.
Delay can be stagnation—or refinement.
Pressure can be panic—or precision.
The Stoics were not naïve; they did not deny hardship. They simply refused to be ruled by the wrong handle.
When I look at this season, I can grip despair, or I can grip growth.
Both are real. Only one will carry me forward.
What Is in My Control When Life Feels Uncertain
I can’t control funders’ yes/no’s, or printing queues, or how the world rewards noise instead of depth.
But I can control:
The way I keep showing up & learn from mistake.
Giving my maximum effort.
Committing to the process.
Sticking to my values.
Choosing the work and people that feel aligned.
Entropy asks this question: Which handle are we grabbing today?Do we give up? Or do we give in & prepare ourselves for transformation?
Marcus Aurelius wrote Meditations during plague and war.
Paul Kalanithi wrote When Breath Becomes Air while dying.
Meaning is not postponed until conditions improve. Sometimes meaning arrives precisely in the heat and pressure—because that is where we are being reshaped.
I may have 4 months left fully devoted to writing and building Women’s Lantern, because of the tight runway we're facing.
I can see that as dread. Or I can see it as a gift:
4 months more of creative freedom.
4 months more of building something aligned.
4 months more of expanding as a human being.
And maybe in that 4 months, a transformation happens and new possibilities open up.
Paul Kalanithi held his newborn daughter for only 8 months before he died. He described it as:
“A joy that did not hunger for more, that just rested, satisfied.”
I am trying to teach myself that joy does not need to grow larger to be real. That it can be whole, even when it is brief. That sometimes it is enough for joy to stay and rested in the quiet meeting between this moment and its possibility.
If this resonates, I wrote the full reflection here that includes questions you can sit with in this article: Pedal Over the Medal.
A Slower Becoming: Book Launch
If The Homecoming is about returning to yourself, I want it to hold you well.
The launch moved because entropy needed more time; a new cover (you see the updated cover above), structural refinements, further editing stages, and careful legal conversations.
Slower, yes, but I believe it is becoming stronger—clearer in intention, steadier in voice—a book that can walk you home.
Entropy again: Pressure. Refinement. Becoming.
I am planning an in-person launch on 6th of May at Glebe Bookshop. The invitation to those who pre-ordered and you will receive VIP seats at the book launch.
For those who haven't, click here to pre-order.
If this message lands, reply with one line. I read every response:
What are you carrying right now & which handle do you want to choose?Remember, one could drag you down, one could carry you forward.
Thank you for being part of this journey with me.
I left a stable path to build something meaningful; as a writer, as a social entrepreneur, at the intersection of healing, equality, and sustainability. It is often not efficient, and goddamn, it is not always comfortable. But it is my calling.
Your early trust has given me room to breathe, and it matters more than you know.
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